hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize