Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
