I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
