if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
