you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Holy shit dude........stairs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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