we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
