I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
