The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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