You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
