As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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