He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
