You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize