At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
