i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
3pm strippers are depressing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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