Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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