finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
