carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
