I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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