I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
