Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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