from now on my penis is your penis
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
