we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
