can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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