Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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