I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
