Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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