I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
