is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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