she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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