Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
