my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
