At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
