How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
