Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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