I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
