I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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