I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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