I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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