So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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