Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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