The maid of honor just puked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize