Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well you can't waste a boner
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
