White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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