I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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