you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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