Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
