Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize