I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
