good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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