How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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