we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
