and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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