she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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