We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
