Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
