did you get engaged???
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
