why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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