dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
