I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
