If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
