can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
