Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
