Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize