You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm getting married
To pizza
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
