I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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