i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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