47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
