The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
