I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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