Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
