i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
