i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
