i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
