3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it because I queefed?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
