girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
