Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why do cheetos always look like penises
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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